Today I came very near to having a fuck it moment. I have had a horrible day, it started badly and got worse. I also didn’t have a great nights sleep, which puts me on the back foot always.
Someone I love dearly but who always lets me down did it again. I had a phone call with them where I encountered barb after barb ending with a comment that always triggers me. I can’t lie, I was hurt, upset and very very angry. I actually felt quite desperate and furious at myself as I had allowed the situation to affect me so much. I will say, however, that I did end the call in a much more calm and kind way than I would have in the past but I think that’s about the only positive to the situation.
For the first time in a long time, I had a fuck it moment. I thought I am sick of feeling like this ( it had only been about an hour by the way) and I deserve a drink to get through this. Resentment has always done this to me. I’ll get drunk, I will really hurt myself, that will teach them!
Luckily, sober me kicked in quite quickly, I had a rant at my sober friends, who managed to calm me down and sympathised with me, I needed that because normally after these situations I get very guilty for even reacting to the situation and making the other person feel bad! ( crazy eh?) I really needed my sober gang right then.
I then purchased more Christmas decorations which I definitely don’t need but the lights calm me and well they are pretty! I am going to walk the dogs, which will probably resemble more of a march today, go on a zoom call with my sober gang and cook a really nice dinner.
I am going to look after myself more and really try to not place my happiness on the acceptance and care of people who will never ever give me what I crave. I need to focus on those who do care.
I also wrote this blog really quickly and I can feel myself calming already because I have got it out, so thank you my therapists that are in my computer.
How do you cope with your fuck it moments? I’d love to hear.
Much love,
Bx
You’re a badass B and a warrior and NOBODY gets to take that from us ever 💗💗
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Thank you xxxx
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I love that you shared! Fuck it moments for me now do not consist of saying fuck it and then picking up a drink….I say fuck it – I am done giving my power away 💜it’s a form of surrender
Don’t pick up no matter what!! Great job!!
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Thank you! I won’t be picking up either, but it’s hard to change old thought patterns, but I am definitely getting there !
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It’s great- keep going ❤️💜❤️
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Hello. magnificent job. I did not expect this. This is a great story. Thanks!
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Thank you!
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