This will just be a quick one, but I really need to say I am grateful for sobriety.
I hadn’t realised how much alcohol had affected my personality. I was so ashamed of my drinking that I had become ashamed of my very being.
I was willing to take the blame for everything. I was willing to do this because my self-esteem was so low I believed I deserved it.
I accepted people talking down to me and not treating me well because I couldn’t blame them, I believed I was worthless so why shouldn’t they?
I thought I was a terrible Mother, a useless wife and a bad friend. All because my self esteem and self hatred was so ingrained. And Mr alcohol loved me feeling like this, that way he could be my only friend.
So how am I now? I am bloody grateful is what I am and I am strong. My children constantly tell me how proud of me they are. They also let me know often, that I was a great Mam, even if I had problems.
My husband loves the newly rational me, the one who thinks before defending. The one who isn’t always worrying that there’s some hidden meaning to what he says.
The ‘friends’ who talk down or use me? Yeah, they aren’t so keen, but then neither am I. New me doesn’t let them get away with it. She’s a boss.
This isn’t all down to sobriety, but it’s down to getting sober that I’ve actually worked on myself. I would never have felt this way drinking.