Birthday stress and alcohol

Today is my birthday. I dread my birthdays. I know it mostly stems from past experiences. But in all honesty my birthday brings out a side of me that I only see once a year. I become overly sensitive, panicked and often a bit angry. Its very deep seated and I won’t bore you with the details but I will say that it’s this time of year that I am most at risk of relapse.

I’d love to tell you that this year was different, it wasn’t. I’ve spent the run up week in a bit of a mess. Feeling all of the feelings and struggling massively.

The difference is that this time I haven’t drank at it. I am not going to lie, the words, “I just feel like getting smashed’ have been said by me this week. But I haven’t drank. I have instead doubled up on my routines, I’ve been honest with family members. And I’ve leaned heavily on my sober gang. One member in particular has helped me through my ‘fuck it’ moments and I am still sober.

Being sober is the biggest gift that I can give myself. And so today I will enjoy my birthday and the plans I have made and tomorrow I will celebrate that I am starting my next year of life sober and happy about it.

Much love,

B xxx

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